When I was a kid, we fed some old corncobs to the backyard squirrels. Somehow one of these ended up in our sandbox (which we were getting too old to play in anyway) and later in the summer giants stalks of corn started sprouting right out of the sand. Corn is a very hearty plant.
About three weeks ago, my roommate spilled popcorn (uncooked) into the sink we use to dry the dishes. I thought it was gross but when the drying rack is loaded with dishes it's not very convenient to clean, so I let it go for awhile. I've been increasingly irritated that the popcorn kernels were rotting away in the drain but I was refusing to clean it up on principle. The same way I refuse to change the toilet paper roll when I am not the last person to use one up.
Anyway, so today I was putting away the dishes...which gives me another thought...I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who ever puts dishes away because I am always finding them precariously and BADLY stacked. In a perfect world people would wash their dishes and put the previous person's away before they stacked their wet dishes on top, building higher and higher leaning towers of pisa. Instead there are always wet dishes on top of my dry ones which are washed in a certain order for maximum drying potential. Oh, and let's not get started on the stacks of wet bowls or glasses that are right side up... I mean, does it take that much brain power to figure out that glasses stuck inside one other with water pooling in the bottom will NEVER dry? Apparently it takes more brain power than my roommate has... But I digress. This is about popcorn seeds.
So today I was unloading the drying rack. Guess what?!?! There were several stalks of corn GROWING IN MY KITCHEN SINK! It was so incredibly nasty.
The worst part: I don't know how to bring this up to my roommate. Um, hey, you failed to notice that about 30 kernels of popcorn landed in the sink 3 weeks ago. You failed to notice they were rotting. You failed to notice that green fucking shoots were sprouting from our drain! You probably haven't noticed that I've cleaned it all up either, have you?
That would go over well.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
This is Real Life
I'm not a baby-sitter. I just wanted to make that clear. I'm also not a mom. It's not my job, nor my obligation to hold my roommate's hand through daily life. You wanna wake up 15 minutes before we need to be in the gym? Be my guest. If people are pissed because you walk in late, it is NOT my fault. I consider it to be my friendly duty to make sure you are in fact awake when I leave, but other than that...I'm not dragging you across the street and into the gym.
Just so I'm clear here, my roommate didn't blame me for any of this, but other people are asking me to become her baby-sitter. I did NOT sign up for that shit.
By the way, if I WAS her mom, I'd tell her these things:
1) It's ridiculous that you invited a boy over at 9:30 pm and stayed awake cackling until after I fell asleep with a pillow over my head so I didn't have to listen to you.
2) Don't stay up late if you are already complaining about being exhausted.
3) Swapping saliva (and more!) with every boy you meet may lead to sickness. You are sick, right? Oh yeah.
4) Complaining about your responsibilities (you CHOSE to be a student-athlete) while not doing anything to address the issues is not only annoying, it's a bad character trait. Sometimes your own choices need to be examined before you can lay the blame elsewhere.
5) Life is about working hard and making the right decisions. When you only do one (yes, you work hard), things will probably not work out for you. It's not okay to let everyone pick up the pieces for you. Use your resources and realize that you're an adult. This is real life.
PS: There are clothes laying outside our front porch. I've been keeping track. They've been there for 3 days. It's raining.
Just so I'm clear here, my roommate didn't blame me for any of this, but other people are asking me to become her baby-sitter. I did NOT sign up for that shit.
By the way, if I WAS her mom, I'd tell her these things:
1) It's ridiculous that you invited a boy over at 9:30 pm and stayed awake cackling until after I fell asleep with a pillow over my head so I didn't have to listen to you.
2) Don't stay up late if you are already complaining about being exhausted.
3) Swapping saliva (and more!) with every boy you meet may lead to sickness. You are sick, right? Oh yeah.
4) Complaining about your responsibilities (you CHOSE to be a student-athlete) while not doing anything to address the issues is not only annoying, it's a bad character trait. Sometimes your own choices need to be examined before you can lay the blame elsewhere.
5) Life is about working hard and making the right decisions. When you only do one (yes, you work hard), things will probably not work out for you. It's not okay to let everyone pick up the pieces for you. Use your resources and realize that you're an adult. This is real life.
PS: There are clothes laying outside our front porch. I've been keeping track. They've been there for 3 days. It's raining.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Of Toilets and Dishes
Toilets overflow sometimes. Basically, I think everybody has had to plunge a toilet at some point in their lives. While I normally concentrate on my one roommate, this complaint has to do with both. Neither of them can plunge the toilet!!!!
Yesterday our toilet apparently got clogged (they blamed tailgaters when I know it wasn't them...we all used the toilet between the time the tailgaters left and the following afternoon at 5 pm!!!). Regardless, the toilet was clogged. They spent approximately 30 minutes trying to unclog it. I was at a friend's. When I got a text asking what to do I said use the one in the basement until I got home because I was sure I could unclog it. It's not that hard, right?
Well I didn't get home until 3 hours later and in the meantime they had called our property manager to come fix it. I was annoyed because I hate bugging people for the small things. On top of the fact that they called him out for a clogged toilet....it didn't need to be fixed. Apparently he plunged it once or twice and it was fine. Jesus! It makes me wonder just how they were trying to unclog the toilet in the first place!!!
Also, in regards to housekeeping: we don't have a dishwasher. So all of us handwash all our own dishes. No big deal. I usually end up putting everybody's dishes away because they just keep piling them on top of one another. I don't like to use my incredible engineering skills for this feat. I'd rather save it for things that actually need to be built and not the Leaning Tower of Pots, Pans and Plates. However, I am an excellent dish stacker!!! I go at it with a plan so that I can arrange the dishes so they will dry most efficiently and if they do happen to get knocked over, plastics are ALWAYS on top. Better Off Born Blonde girl does NOT know how to efficiently stack dishes. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen a stack of bowls, right side up, sitting in the drying rack. First, bowls collect water (duh). Second, if they are freaking stacked together they form a vacuum of wetness!!! Double duh!
That's the end of my rant for now. I'm just going to go back to silently seething. At least she makes me feel smart.
Yesterday our toilet apparently got clogged (they blamed tailgaters when I know it wasn't them...we all used the toilet between the time the tailgaters left and the following afternoon at 5 pm!!!). Regardless, the toilet was clogged. They spent approximately 30 minutes trying to unclog it. I was at a friend's. When I got a text asking what to do I said use the one in the basement until I got home because I was sure I could unclog it. It's not that hard, right?
Well I didn't get home until 3 hours later and in the meantime they had called our property manager to come fix it. I was annoyed because I hate bugging people for the small things. On top of the fact that they called him out for a clogged toilet....it didn't need to be fixed. Apparently he plunged it once or twice and it was fine. Jesus! It makes me wonder just how they were trying to unclog the toilet in the first place!!!
Also, in regards to housekeeping: we don't have a dishwasher. So all of us handwash all our own dishes. No big deal. I usually end up putting everybody's dishes away because they just keep piling them on top of one another. I don't like to use my incredible engineering skills for this feat. I'd rather save it for things that actually need to be built and not the Leaning Tower of Pots, Pans and Plates. However, I am an excellent dish stacker!!! I go at it with a plan so that I can arrange the dishes so they will dry most efficiently and if they do happen to get knocked over, plastics are ALWAYS on top. Better Off Born Blonde girl does NOT know how to efficiently stack dishes. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen a stack of bowls, right side up, sitting in the drying rack. First, bowls collect water (duh). Second, if they are freaking stacked together they form a vacuum of wetness!!! Double duh!
That's the end of my rant for now. I'm just going to go back to silently seething. At least she makes me feel smart.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I Keep My Jeans in the Pantry Too!
Once, I found a t-shirt shoved into this little shelf unit that hangs on the back of the door to the basement. I found it funny at first. It stayed there for a few weeks. It was still funny. It stayed there for over a month. It was no longer funny.
First of all, I understand being rushed and realizing you have something in your hands that you need to leave at home on your way out the door. I even understand shoving it somewhere just to get it out of the way until you get back. I don't understand leaving it there for over a month. I don't understand not noticing it for over a month. I don't understand not wondering where the heck it went for over a month.
I ended up strategically "finding" it while she was in the kitchen and asking if it was hers. She laughed. I fake laughed. Kind of like, Hahahahahaha (bitch, please get yo' stuff out of where it doesn't belong)!!!!
Another time my landlord asked me to kind of make sure our basement was looking semi-presentable for the inspector who was coming. We had all let it slide A LOT down there. There were a lot of old laundry detergent bottles and random lost socks. By the way, none of the socks were mine. I pretty much notice when I'm missing a sock because the mate is lonely when I try to put my socks away. Regardless, I ALSO found a bra, underwear and drawstring bag shoved onto this shelf thing. I don't really know why...but I knew they were my roommate's. Don't you notice when you miss stuff like that? Like, Hmm, I wonder where my black bra went. Where could it be? Oh yeah, I shoved it on that random shelf in the basement! I think I'm going to go get it!
When I told her I found it while cleaning up the basement she was like, "Oh yeah! Thanks!" Umm, I was kind of wondering why your shit is always shoved in random locations around our house! Are you stockpiling for when terrorists try to come and steal your clothes? I mean, I just find the random shoving really weird. Anyway....
We keep a box of glass recycling at the bottom of the basement stairs. The rest of our recycling is kept in our kitchen. We don't go through a lot of glass in this house so it makes sense to keep it downstairs and out of the way. Plus I have to take the glass to a separate location for recycling because it can't be put out weekly like plastic/cans/cardboard. ANYWAY, I have told my roommate many, many, many times (subtlety is not my thing) that the glass box is at the bottom of the stairs. She sees it every time she does laundry. There's still a shit-ton of glass bottles collecting under our sink. On principle I refuse to move them to the basement. I'm debating asking her to move them, but if she forgets (and she inevitably will) I will be even more annoyed. No win situation for me. :-(
Right now, I'm blaming her parents. There is absolutely no way her parents just didn't take care of all her "misplacements" for her. I mean, I remember going through this extremely messy stage in high school where my shit just laid all over my parents' house. It didn't last long because my mom reminded me every 5 minutes to put whatever I had left lying about where it belonged. It was annoying, but it worked. And now, my roommates don't find my random sock in the kitchen cupboard. Jesus.
First of all, I understand being rushed and realizing you have something in your hands that you need to leave at home on your way out the door. I even understand shoving it somewhere just to get it out of the way until you get back. I don't understand leaving it there for over a month. I don't understand not noticing it for over a month. I don't understand not wondering where the heck it went for over a month.
I ended up strategically "finding" it while she was in the kitchen and asking if it was hers. She laughed. I fake laughed. Kind of like, Hahahahahaha (bitch, please get yo' stuff out of where it doesn't belong)!!!!
Another time my landlord asked me to kind of make sure our basement was looking semi-presentable for the inspector who was coming. We had all let it slide A LOT down there. There were a lot of old laundry detergent bottles and random lost socks. By the way, none of the socks were mine. I pretty much notice when I'm missing a sock because the mate is lonely when I try to put my socks away. Regardless, I ALSO found a bra, underwear and drawstring bag shoved onto this shelf thing. I don't really know why...but I knew they were my roommate's. Don't you notice when you miss stuff like that? Like, Hmm, I wonder where my black bra went. Where could it be? Oh yeah, I shoved it on that random shelf in the basement! I think I'm going to go get it!
When I told her I found it while cleaning up the basement she was like, "Oh yeah! Thanks!" Umm, I was kind of wondering why your shit is always shoved in random locations around our house! Are you stockpiling for when terrorists try to come and steal your clothes? I mean, I just find the random shoving really weird. Anyway....
We keep a box of glass recycling at the bottom of the basement stairs. The rest of our recycling is kept in our kitchen. We don't go through a lot of glass in this house so it makes sense to keep it downstairs and out of the way. Plus I have to take the glass to a separate location for recycling because it can't be put out weekly like plastic/cans/cardboard. ANYWAY, I have told my roommate many, many, many times (subtlety is not my thing) that the glass box is at the bottom of the stairs. She sees it every time she does laundry. There's still a shit-ton of glass bottles collecting under our sink. On principle I refuse to move them to the basement. I'm debating asking her to move them, but if she forgets (and she inevitably will) I will be even more annoyed. No win situation for me. :-(
Right now, I'm blaming her parents. There is absolutely no way her parents just didn't take care of all her "misplacements" for her. I mean, I remember going through this extremely messy stage in high school where my shit just laid all over my parents' house. It didn't last long because my mom reminded me every 5 minutes to put whatever I had left lying about where it belonged. It was annoying, but it worked. And now, my roommates don't find my random sock in the kitchen cupboard. Jesus.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
What I Sound Like When I'm Angry
Drivel. It's the best word to describe the type of conversation one would have with my roommate. I am listening to her talk to her mom (of course) right now and maybe it's just my mood but THANK GOD I'm not the one talking to her right now. I would lose it. I am irritated at other things in my life and I think she would push me over the edge. I'm irritated just listening because I can't believe she wastes so much of her life just talking about nothing nothing nothing. "Hey, how's it goin'?" "So what are you up to?" "Practice was good I guess. Well, it was just practice." BLAH FREAKING BLAH BLAH BLAH! What's the point of this conversation? I know the answer. Absolutely NOTHING.
/anger.
PEACE!
/anger.
PEACE!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Conversation That Just Took Place
Roommate walks in.
Downstairs Roommate: Hey.
Roommate: Hi! How's it goin'?
Downstairs Roommate: Good.
Roommate: I'm so stressed out I have a ton of homework!
Roommate comes upstairs. My door is open, therefore I'm obligated to speak.
Me: Hey, Roommate!
Roommate: Hey, how's it goin'?
Me: Pretty good, how are you?
Roommate: Ugh, I just realized I forgot to do this assignment for tomorrow.
Me: Yeah, you sound stressed. I hate when that happens!
Roommate: Yeah, at least we don't have wake up early tomorrow though. Oh, and sorry, I never even asked, how are you?
Me: I'm good. And you did ask me actually. You must be really stressed.
Roommate: What? Oh, I guess.
Another day in the life...
Downstairs Roommate: Hey.
Roommate: Hi! How's it goin'?
Downstairs Roommate: Good.
Roommate: I'm so stressed out I have a ton of homework!
Roommate comes upstairs. My door is open, therefore I'm obligated to speak.
Me: Hey, Roommate!
Roommate: Hey, how's it goin'?
Me: Pretty good, how are you?
Roommate: Ugh, I just realized I forgot to do this assignment for tomorrow.
Me: Yeah, you sound stressed. I hate when that happens!
Roommate: Yeah, at least we don't have wake up early tomorrow though. Oh, and sorry, I never even asked, how are you?
Me: I'm good. And you did ask me actually. You must be really stressed.
Roommate: What? Oh, I guess.
Another day in the life...
Monday, October 4, 2010
The "Boy Problem"
My roommate has no trouble getting the guys. Unfortunately, she has a lot of trouble getting rid of them. I know why; but she doesn't. I would say that she lacks agency, but saying that implies that it's not her own fault, when it really and truly is.
Honestly, I am sometimes overly assertive. I'm blunt, I say what I'm thinking, I'm unfiltered. I have a hard time dealing with unassertive people because I really don't understand why they won't speak up for themselves. If something is not going the way you want it to, why do you simmer and suffer? Anyway, onto the problem at hand...
In recent months there have been two uber creepy guys that have infiltrated my roommate's life. The first one she met in one of her classes and the second one she met because he works in the building where we work out. The class guy was obnoxious and WEIRD. He said things that made me uncomfortable and once tried to grind on me in our kitchen. He sent my roommate lots of presents and even visited her twice in her hometown over the summer. Luckily (because my roommate refused to tell him otherwise!!!) he kind of got the hint that she wasn't that into him and he is out of the picture now that he's in med school in another state.
However, this new guy is not going anywhere fast. Last week I asked my roommate if she liked him. She hemmed and hawed but basically said that she didn't. Imagine my shock a few days later when I heard them talking in her room. She was acting like she has a huge crush on him- laughing obnoxiously at all of his jokes, being a giggling fool, etc. If that isn't leading someone on, I don't know what is. In some ways it makes me angry. That guy could be finding a girl that actually is interested in him...but then I remember how my roommate thinks. She has NO IDEA what she is doing. I just overheard her conversation with our other roommate. She was asking for advice about what to do. The conversation made me want to yell down the stairs: "Stop giving him the wrong signals! You have to be upfront! Tell him you aren't into him and he will leave you the fuck alone! Oh, and when he asks to spend the night say NO!" That wouldn't have gone over well though.
Regardless, I just think she needs to learn to stand up for herself in everyday situations. She is going to get herself in WAY too deep at some point because she won't think about what she wants, let alone make it known. Lord help her future husband.
Honestly, I am sometimes overly assertive. I'm blunt, I say what I'm thinking, I'm unfiltered. I have a hard time dealing with unassertive people because I really don't understand why they won't speak up for themselves. If something is not going the way you want it to, why do you simmer and suffer? Anyway, onto the problem at hand...
In recent months there have been two uber creepy guys that have infiltrated my roommate's life. The first one she met in one of her classes and the second one she met because he works in the building where we work out. The class guy was obnoxious and WEIRD. He said things that made me uncomfortable and once tried to grind on me in our kitchen. He sent my roommate lots of presents and even visited her twice in her hometown over the summer. Luckily (because my roommate refused to tell him otherwise!!!) he kind of got the hint that she wasn't that into him and he is out of the picture now that he's in med school in another state.
However, this new guy is not going anywhere fast. Last week I asked my roommate if she liked him. She hemmed and hawed but basically said that she didn't. Imagine my shock a few days later when I heard them talking in her room. She was acting like she has a huge crush on him- laughing obnoxiously at all of his jokes, being a giggling fool, etc. If that isn't leading someone on, I don't know what is. In some ways it makes me angry. That guy could be finding a girl that actually is interested in him...but then I remember how my roommate thinks. She has NO IDEA what she is doing. I just overheard her conversation with our other roommate. She was asking for advice about what to do. The conversation made me want to yell down the stairs: "Stop giving him the wrong signals! You have to be upfront! Tell him you aren't into him and he will leave you the fuck alone! Oh, and when he asks to spend the night say NO!" That wouldn't have gone over well though.
Regardless, I just think she needs to learn to stand up for herself in everyday situations. She is going to get herself in WAY too deep at some point because she won't think about what she wants, let alone make it known. Lord help her future husband.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Oh the things you will hear.....
Right now, I'm unintentionally eavesdropping on a phone conversation between my roommate and her mom.
Roomie: Hi Mom, how's it going? So I'm only sure on 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7 questions. Do you know the rest yet? (pause) I think 8 is false too. Yeah, that sounds right. Okay. (pause) So number 3 is true? Blah blah blah (stuff I can't hear, something about water??? I'm assuming it's related to whatever the homework is about). Oh, I see now! I didn't know that. blah blah blah. (pause) Ohh, that makes sense. I saw something else but... blah blah blah.
The conversation moved on to other topics. But, seriously, WOW. We're in COLLEGE. Pretty sure my mom stopped helping me with homework when I was in 2nd grade.
Roomie: Hi Mom, how's it going? So I'm only sure on 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7 questions. Do you know the rest yet? (pause) I think 8 is false too. Yeah, that sounds right. Okay. (pause) So number 3 is true? Blah blah blah (stuff I can't hear, something about water??? I'm assuming it's related to whatever the homework is about). Oh, I see now! I didn't know that. blah blah blah. (pause) Ohh, that makes sense. I saw something else but... blah blah blah.
The conversation moved on to other topics. But, seriously, WOW. We're in COLLEGE. Pretty sure my mom stopped helping me with homework when I was in 2nd grade.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Shoulda Been Born Blonde: Exhibit A
Once upon a time a highly independent, critical, cynical 22 year-old lived with a spacey, obnoxiously happy, people-pleasing 20 year old.
The 22 year old is me.
The 20 year old is my roommate.
I've decided it's important to start recording this relationship because it's high time somebody tried to find a pattern in this madness. Also, it's entertaining. And really, let's be legit here; if I didn't laugh about this stuff, I'd probably cry. Or throw things. At my roommate.
I think I'll start by just recording daily happenings.
My roommate and I have the same task to complete by the end of this week. It requires that we go pick up some clothes from a specific location with specific hours. Today, being the efficient individual that I am, hopped in my car when I had an extra 30 minutes and tried to retrieve my clothing. When I arrived I was informed that we would not be able to pick up the clothing until Thursday. I informed the entire group FOUR times that we would be unable to pick up our clothing until Thursday, so don't try. Four separate occasions, but within a 20-30 minute time period. I'm sure my roommate was present for at least 2 of those occasions. Then the entire group discussed the matter for approximately 10 minutes. Meanwhile, our coach was on a diatribe about how ridiculous it is that we couldn't pick up the clothing today. This lasted about 15 minutes. My roommate was there for the entire duration...
So tonight, I was doing laundry. I had a pile of clothes sitting on the floor. My roommate asked, "Oh, so did you go get those today?" Um, no, I thought. But I responded, "Oh, from The Cage? Didn't you hear? We can't pick those up until Thursday." She, looking shocked, said, "What!? Thursday? I didn't know that!!!" Silently, I screamed, HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW!?! Luckily for her, I just said, "Nope, not until Thursday," and walked away. JESUS.
Now you know why I titled this blog the way I did. She should have been born blonde. At least then people might expect it!
The 22 year old is me.
The 20 year old is my roommate.
I've decided it's important to start recording this relationship because it's high time somebody tried to find a pattern in this madness. Also, it's entertaining. And really, let's be legit here; if I didn't laugh about this stuff, I'd probably cry. Or throw things. At my roommate.
I think I'll start by just recording daily happenings.
My roommate and I have the same task to complete by the end of this week. It requires that we go pick up some clothes from a specific location with specific hours. Today, being the efficient individual that I am, hopped in my car when I had an extra 30 minutes and tried to retrieve my clothing. When I arrived I was informed that we would not be able to pick up the clothing until Thursday. I informed the entire group FOUR times that we would be unable to pick up our clothing until Thursday, so don't try. Four separate occasions, but within a 20-30 minute time period. I'm sure my roommate was present for at least 2 of those occasions. Then the entire group discussed the matter for approximately 10 minutes. Meanwhile, our coach was on a diatribe about how ridiculous it is that we couldn't pick up the clothing today. This lasted about 15 minutes. My roommate was there for the entire duration...
So tonight, I was doing laundry. I had a pile of clothes sitting on the floor. My roommate asked, "Oh, so did you go get those today?" Um, no, I thought. But I responded, "Oh, from The Cage? Didn't you hear? We can't pick those up until Thursday." She, looking shocked, said, "What!? Thursday? I didn't know that!!!" Silently, I screamed, HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW!?! Luckily for her, I just said, "Nope, not until Thursday," and walked away. JESUS.
Now you know why I titled this blog the way I did. She should have been born blonde. At least then people might expect it!
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